Mutual Understanding At Home

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Mutual Understanding At Home
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According to the Qur'an, on the day of Judgment, when the companions of hell meet each other, they will all be cursing one another. Each one will blame the other for making him hell-bound! The other will counter him with a similar argument. The Herald will announce that Allah's retribution for both of them will be doubled! Firstly because they spoke ill of the believers in the world and then because they forced others to speak ill about themselves.

The Holy Quran says:

كلَُّمَا دَخَلَتْ أُمَّةٌ لَّعَنَتْ أُخْتهََا حَتىَّ إِذَا ادَّارَكُواْ فِيهَا جَمِيعًا قَالَتْ أُخْرَئهُمْ لِأُولَئهُمْ رَبَّنَا هَؤُلَاءِ أَضَلُّونَا فََاتهِِمْ عَذَابًا ضِعْفًا مِّنَ النَّارِ قَالَ لِكلُ‏ٍّ ضِعْفٌ وَ لَكِن لَّا تَعْلَمُون

"....Every time a nation entereth, it curseth its sister (nation) till, when they have all been made to follow one another thither, the last of them saith unto the first of them : Our Lord! These led us astray, so give them double torment of the Fire. He saith:For each one there is double (torment) but ye know not." (Sura al-’Araf, 7: 38)

The sign of the inhabitants of the Hell, therefore, is that they will talk ill of each other and none of them is ready to accept his own fault.

Blaming Each Other

Whenever a husband and wife are in disagreement, none of them wants to take the blame for any mistake. The husband says that the wife has been the cause of his troubles and the wife counters with a similar claim. The husband says that the children have gone astray because of the wife's shortcomings in their upbringing. A house where such criticizing and exchange of foul language takes place is like hell.
The world and the hereafter are the two sides of the same coin! The apparent side of the coin is the world and the hidden side is the hereafter. Whatever happens in this world, its reality will become evident and clear in the hereafter! If the fire of Hell comes upon us, it is the result of our own acts!

The world and the hereafter are the two sides of the same coin! The apparent side of the coin is the world and the hidden side is the hereafter. Whatever happens in this world, its reality will become evident and clear in the hereafter! If the fire of Hell comes upon us, it is the result of our own acts! A house where such criticizing and exchange of foul language takes place is like hell.

 

ذَلِكَ بِمَا قَدَّمَتْ أَيْدِيكُم

"This is on account of that which your own hands have sent before...."(Sura Ali Imran, 3: 182)


If we get the bounties of the Heaven like the houris, it is on account of our own good deeds.

كلُُواْ وَ اشْرَبُواْ هَنِيَا بِمَا أَسْلَفْتُمْ فىِ الْأَيَّامِ الخَْالِيَة

"(And it will be said unto those therein): Eat and drink at ease for that which ye sent on before you in past days." (Sura al-Haaqqah, 69: 24)

when (God forbid) a wife misbehaves with her husband, when a husband uses foul language with his wife, what is obvious is that the husband and wife are bad-mouthing each other, but in reality this house is Hell.


On the Day of Reckoning the people will be addressed, "O those who have fasted during the auspicious days! These are the bounties that you have sent while you fasted. Eat, drink and enjoy yourself!" If there is strife and difference of opinion in your house; when a man and wife quarrel; when a brother and sister argue and exchange harsh and foul language, when (God forbid) a wife misbehaves with her husband, when a husband uses foul language with his wife, what is obvious is that the husband and wife are bad-mouthing each other, but in reality this house is Hell. One day when he opens his eyes he realizes that his house is actually Hell. The bad deeds of the spouses have been converted into physical forms.

The Holy Quran, in the verse quoted earlier (al-’Ara, 7f:38) describes the importance of actions of people living in a place. If they have differences in their lives, they will exhibit differences in the hereafter too and blame each other. If there is usage of bad language and physical violence here, then in the hereafter too they will use bad language and violence. What you sow here, is what you will reap there. If there is foul language in your house and the atmosphere of your house is cold, then it will result in Hell-fire there. Contrary to this, the Holy Quran says about the inhabitants of the heaven:

عَلىَ‏ سُررٍ مَّوْضُونَةٍ / ُمُّتَّكِِينَ عَلَيهَْا مُتَقَبِلِين‏

"On lined couches. Reclining therein face to face." (Sura al-Waaqi'ah, 56: 15, 16)

Those who have lived in their families amicably, doing good and pious deeds, will enjoy all the comforts in Heaven.

لَا يَسْمَعُونَ فِيهَا لَغْوًا وَ لَا تَأْثِيمًا / إِلَّا قِيلًا سَلَمًا سَلَمًا

"There, they hear no vain speaking nor recrimination
(Naught) but the saying: Peace (and again) Peace!" (Sura al-Waaqi'ah, 56: 25, 26)


The inhabitants of Heaven will neither talk evil, nor hear evil. They will only greet each other pleasantly. They will be grateful to each other, and each one will thank the other for getting them admitted to Heaven. This is the quality of the inhabitants of Heaven.

Mutual Understanding At Home

Appreciate and praise each other at home. Accept your own faults.

Our actions should be such that you earn the bounties of Heaven in the hereafter! Appreciate and praise each other at home. Accept your own faults. It is generally experienced that men tend not to accept their failings. I ardently appeal to them that if ever they are angry, although getting angry is forbidden, they should apologies to the subject of the anger once the anger subsides! Accepting one’s fault is a sign of maturity. The home should be a place of learning for us. The home is like a wonderful book that gives instruction, particularly to women, in the art of living and ethics. If, unfortunately, a man commits a mistake, and stubbornly refuses to take the responsibility, the wife should discreetly try to mend the fences. She should not adopt an attitude of confrontation nor be proud (the attitude of 'why should I mend the fences'). Anger and pride both belong in Hell!

Anger and pride both belong in Hell!

A Man should uphold his dignity and the wife should be patient even if the husband, sometimes, is at fault! The Holy Quran says that such is a good wife!

فالصَّلِحَتُ قَنِتَتٌ حَفِظَتٌ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ الله

"So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. ..." ( Sura an-Nisa’, 4: 34)

There are two qualities of a good wife. One is that she is forbearing with her husband, even if he is wrong at times. The other quality is that she is chaste, whether she is alone or in company, whether her husband is present or is away. She is never without hijab even if she is in the presence of her husband’s close relatives. She is never without hijab in front of those who are not mahram, even if he is only her husband’s brother. Whether at home or outside, she covers herself properly. In the eyes of the Holy Quran such is an ideal wife.

A woman with a dead heart cannot give a cheerful daughter or a prosperous son to the society! Similarly a morose man cannot be a useful member of the society nor can he earn a better hereafter for himself! As the saying goes, a severed hand might be of some use, but a broken heart is absolutely useless!

Allah exhorts in the Holy Quran that the believing people should fear the fire of Hell and save themselves and their families from the Hellfire. This fire will burn you and reduce you to ashes. The fuel of this fire will be humans and the stones! The people of faith should be scared of the inferno of Hell. The Holy Book warns that there should not be conflicts in the home. Such conflicts and differences will destroy your dignity and personality. God forbids that either the husband or wife should ever resort to physical violence. If they do, then their dignity and respect cannot remain intact. We pity the women who don't have love for their husbands. We pity the homes where there is no happiness. A woman with a dead heart cannot give a cheerful daughter or a prosperous son to the society! Similarly a morose man cannot be a useful member of the society nor can he earn a better hereafter for himself! As the saying goes, a severed hand might be of some use, but a broken heart is absolutely useless!

Imam Musa ibn Jafar (AS) says in one of the traditions:

"Beware of restlessness and laziness as both these traits are impediments for your life in this world and in the Hereafter!"

The Imam (AS) has asked people to be active and abstain from laziness. The women should actively perform the chores at home. The men should avoid laziness and keep themselves busy in performing their duties. One should not be unhappy, because an unhappy person will not find benefit either in this world or in the Hereafter.

وَ لَا تَنَزَعُواْ فَتَفْشَلُواْ وَ تَذْهَبَ رِيحُكمُ‏ْ

"....and dispute no one with another lest ye falter and your strength departs from you...."(Sura al-Anfal, 8: 46)

The Holy Quran says that one of the most valuable bounties of Allah is the instinct of love and affection. The Holy Book is doing a favor to us when it says:

وَ اعْتَصِمُواْ بحَِبْلِ اللَّهِ جَمِيعًا وَ لَا تَفَرَّقُواْ وَ اذْكُرُواْ نِعْمَتَ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ إِذْ كُنتُمْ أَعْدَاءً فَأَلَّفَ بَينْ‏َ قُلُوبِكُمْ فَأَصْبَحْتُم بِنِعْمَتِهِ إِخْوَنًا وَ كُنتُمْ عَلىَ‏ شَفَا حُفْرَةٍ مِّنَ النَّارِ فَأَنقَذَكُم مِّنهَْا كَذَلِكَ يُبَينِ‏ُّ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ ءَايَتِهِ لَعَلَّكمُ‏ْ تهَتَدُون

"And hold fast, all of you together, to the cable of Allah, and do not separate. And remember Allah's favor unto you: how ye were enemies and He made friendship between your hearts so that ye became as brothers by His grace; and (how) ye were upon the brink of an abyss of fire, and he did save you from it. Thus Allah maketh clear His revelations unto you, that haply ye may be guided." (Sura Ali Imran, 3: 103)

Although this verse is addressing the early Muslims, it is relevant for all times. It is also relevant to our present discussion. The husband and wife who have love and affection for each other should be thankful to Allah. They must pray to Allah that the atmosphere of love remains forever in their homes. The husband should always be thankful to his wife and pray that the spring of love always flows in their house. The wife should appreciate his love and affection. Even if both of them thank Allah day and night, it will not be enough thanks for this blessing. Our discussion now proves that a woman who is shrewish by nature and an ill-tempered husband who persist with differences in their lives literally bring themselves to the brink of the fiery valley of the Hell. The Imams (AS) have said that

"If the parties don't make a truce even after three days, they will not remain Muslims!"

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Daily Hadith
مَن شَرُفَت هِمَّتُهُ عَظُمَت قِيمَتُهُ.
He whose ambition is lofty his value is heightened.