List Q&A

As you know one of the aims of marriage is to gratify the sexual needs and instincts and there are other purposes also for marriage which have been enumerated and explained in their appropriate places. Although it has become relatively difficult for many people to marry, those who adhere to Islamic manners and etiquettes  and believe that all problems are solved with God's help they can, with reliance on God, follow the Imams' tradition and lifestyle and can start their marital lives by holding a simple and effortless ceremony. If they do so, God has promised to enable them out of His own grace as the Quran says: "Marry those among you who are single, or the virtuous ones among yourselves, male or female: if they are in poverty, Allah will give them means out of His grace: for Allah encompasseth all, and he knoweth all things." [1]

Thus, the best way that is proposed to the youths so as not to fall into a sin is to take marriage easy. If an individual expects to have all means of livelihood and the best income before holding a wedding ceremony, he must know that such a thing has not been and is not possible for ordinary people in society.  In the past, in fact, the youths used to take action for marriage after attaining physical and mental maturity. Thereupon, they would start working hard, toiling, getting busy doing a job and then having a house and stable income.
Hence, therefore, you can try to take action for a simple and frugal marriage at your earliest convenience and as soon as you can so as to guard yourself against sins. You must know that if you adjust some of your expectations and requirements in regard to a girl whom you would like to choose as a life-partner and if you marry a girl who is financially in a lower position than you, you can find many good girls to choose for marriage; otherwise you should restrain yourself from falling into sins. If you fail to marry, fasting, studying, taking exercise and thinking about your own personality as a respected human being can help you stay away from sexual sins. Surely, you should also stay away from sexually exciting and provocative things or going to such places where you might be excited sexually.

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[1] Al-Noor, 32
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Ref: www.Islamquest.net

First, strengthen your determination with sincere repentance to Allah, and then watch yourself according to the following method, which I have quoted from what Allama at-Tabataba’iy, the author of Tafsir al-Mizan, had written to a young man like you:
 “First, in the morning, when you wake up, determine not to do anything that does not please Allah! Think well before deciding to do anything whether or not it benefits you in this life and afterlife! If it pleases Allah, do it; otherwise, leave it, regardless of whether or not you like it.

Second, do so until you go to bed at night, and then think of all you have done in the day, one by one. Thank Allah for your good deeds and pray to Him to forgive your bad deeds!

Third, continue doing this for several days. You may feel tired at the beginning, but then, it will gradually become easier for you and you will enjoy it morally and spiritually. Of course, the body follows the soul in comfort.

Before sleeping, perform wudu’ and recite the following suras: al-Hadeed (57), al-Hashr (59), as-Saff (61), al-Jum’ah (62) and al-Taghabun (64). If you cannot, you should recite al-Hashr only. With this action, you shall find that the pleasure of lawful things is sweeter than the pleasure of unlawful things. Then, you will laugh at those who pant after unlawful pleasures, and feel sorry for them and the mirage they walk in towards Hell.”

Fourth, before sleeping, perform wudu’ and recite the following suras: al-Hadeed (57), al-Hashr (59), as-Saff (61), al-Jum’ah (62) and al-Taghabun (64). If you cannot, you should recite al-Hashr only. With this action, you shall find that the pleasure of lawful things is sweeter than the pleasure of unlawful things. Then, you will laugh at those who pant after unlawful pleasures, and feel sorry for them and the mirage they walk in towards Hell.”

In the following tradition, Imam Ali (a.s.) mentions the qualities of the faithful and pious people, who follow sound reason and walk in the right path. Imam Ali (a.s.) says, 

 ‘A faithful one is truthful in the worldly life, with an insightful heart. He keeps to the (moral) limits. He is a vessel of knowledge, with perfect thinking. He is generous, good-hearted, patient, and openhanded. He spends liberally. He is charitable, honey-tongued, and smiling. He ponders much, sleeps little, and laughs little. He is with good manners, free from greediness, and away from fancy. He is ascetic in this life. He looks forward to the afterlife. He likes guests. He is merciful to the orphans. He is kind to the young. He has regard for the old. He helps the needy, visits the sick, and escorts the dead. He respects the holiness of the Qur'an, prays to the Lord, cries for sins, enjoins right, forbids wrong, eats little, drinks little, moves with politeness, speaks with advice, and preaches kindly. He does not fear any except Allah and expects no one save Him. He is busy in thanking and praising Allah. He is neither negligent nor is he proud. He is not proud of the properties of the worldly life. He is busy thinking of his own defects away from the defects of others. Prayer is the delight of his eyes. Fasting is his job and occupation. Truthfulness is his habit. Gratefulness is his ship. Reason is his captain. Piety is his food. The worldly life is his prison. Patience is his home. The night and day are his capital. Paradise is his abode. The Qur'an is his speech. Muhammad is his intercessor and Allah the Almighty is his entertainer.[1]’

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[1] Jami’ al-Akhbar, p.215.
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Ref: For a Better Future,200 questions and answers regarding the concerns of the youth, marriage and children, Abdul Adheem al-Muhtadi al-Bahrani, Translated byAbdullah al-Shahin , Published by: 
Ansariyan Publications

In man's course towards Allah, not only isn't marriage considered an obstacle, but in fact can be a means of help too, meaning that marriage is not in contradiction with the love of Allah. Marriage does not mean to get attached to a love as great as the love of Allah, in fact it is a step that should be taken in the path of reaching the love of Allah.

Every person can do good deeds on behalf of others especially one’s parents. In such a case, not only will the reward of that deed go to the one that has been gifted the good deed, but the person doing the good deed will also be rewarded the same reward, if not more.

Considering the antithesis between divorce and marriage, in order to learn of the reason why Allah hates divorce so much, we must first see why marriage bears so much significance in His eyes.¹

In the Quran, the creation of people in pairs has been mentioned as one of Allah’s signs, which is a means of their peace and calmness. ² In the narrations of the infallibles also, marriage bears great significance, to the extent that the prophet of Islam (pbuh) says:

No institution has been established in Islam more beloved to Allah than marriage.” ³

In addition, one of the benefits of marriage is procreation and the continuation of the human race. Thus, since divorce is the termination of marriage and it is by divorce’s means that the family is torn apart, and in some cases, the children, who once felt the warm hand of the mother and father stroking their heads, are left without someone to take care of them that they can go to and are left to themselves, and it is usually these same children who end up being criminals and felons in society. These and other reasons, such as contradicting the philosophy of creation are why Allah despises divorce so much.

Of course, please do note that divorce is despised when it is done without an acceptable excuse, ⁴ but if there is a good excuse for divorce, it will no longer be hated, and that is what divorce is for; for when there is no other way out.

[1] See: Falsafeye Ezdevaj dar Islam, 1300; Falsafeye Khotbeye Aqd, 1445.
[2] Rum:21.
[3] Saduq, Man la Yahduruhu al-Faqih, vol. 3, p. 383, Jame’eye Modarresin Publications, Qum, 1413 AH.
[4] Hurr Ameli, Wasa’il al-Shi’ah, vol. 22, p. 283, Aal al-Bayt Institute Press, Qum, 1409 AH. It has been narrated from Thawban that the prophet of Allah (pbuh) said: “Any woman who asks for her husband for divorce without any reason, the scent of heaven will be haram on her.”
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Ref: www.Islamquest.net

The spiritual and moral health of a society depends on that of its individuals; men and women, and the spiritual health of individuals is only reachable through training and raising them correctly. Islam has provided its followers with many instructions and guidelines regarding raising children (the first stage of raising individuals) and individuals who have passed the stage of childhood that if put to practice correctly, will lead to a healthy society and as a result there will be no need to use pressure and force or to extreme limitations.
Islam has assigned different tasks and responsibilities to men and women in accordance with their psychological and physical differences. The goal Islam pursues in these tasks, isn’t to limit them, but to help maintain their human values and worth through these laws and tasks.